What a great day!

Feb. 27, 2011
7:48 pm

Well, February is almost over, and along with November, it has become one of my lest favorite months. I only cried about 4 or 5 times today, but all in all it was a great day! I woke up around 4:45, stayed up for a little bit, then fell back asleep for about an hour or so. When I woke up, I woke up with a smile. Justin came to me in my dreams. All I remember is that he was driving my car, and we pulled up to this empty space for lease and he should be where his new Karate place was going to be.....and no, Justin didn't do Karate...then for some reason, I was following him in a car and he was driving mine. I just remember the window was down and I leaned in and told him I loved him, and his eyes were SSSOOOOO blue. Justin had THE most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. They were blue, but around the iris, they were gold, and I pray to God our baby has his beautiful eyes!

Brayden and I got ready and went to Pitt Grill around 8am to eat pancakes....he loves his pancakes!!!! After that we took a road trip to Natchitoches to be with Justin's family for a birthday celebration. It was a little rough driving up there because I really wanted Justin to be with us, and of course I was thinking about last weekend and our last drive to Natchitoches together, and I let out some tears. I really try and not cry in front of Brayden, but I guess he knew what was going on, and he started getting upset and said he missed his daddy, and I told him I missed him too.

The rest of the day, however, was GREAT!!!! We had such a good time with the family. Brayden got to take his first boat ride, and I jumped in a pool that I'm pretty sure was 30 degrees!!!!! It was nice to be around family and feel all the love that was felt. We all miss Justin so much, but as we carry on with our lives, he is right here wth us every step of the way.....speaking of!!!.....Brayden and I went back to Mrs. Charlene and Mr. Jerry's house so I could bathe little man after the party was over at Aunt Pat's. My son saw something, and got a little scared. I'm pretty sure Justin was in the house and Brayden saw him because he kept telling me he wanted to go back outside. It was just Brayden and I in the house, so I'm not sure what else he could have seen. In a way, I am kind of jealous because of course I would give anything to see the love of my life again.

On the way home, I was listening 105.5, the oldies country radio station, and I swear every song, until commerical was about love lasting forever or missing the one you love. I just smiled and told Jusitn how much I loved.

I go back to work tomorrow, and I have to admit, I am NOT looking foward to it. I think routine will be good, but I really don't want to be around a bunch of people and I really don't want to break down like a big baby, but I think it may happen, and I think everything will be fine. I get to go see the doctor at 8 and check on the baby, and I think that will be a really good thing :) I know Justin will be right there with me. I told his mom and my mom that when I have the baby, I really want to be in the room by myself because Justin was going to be in there with me, and I know he will be there while his sweet baby is being born. Today was a good day an I'm very happy that it was!